Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Blast Furnace for January 22, 2006, AFC Championship Edition

Putting a gumband around the week that was, here’s The Blast Furnace for January 22, 2006, AFC Championship Edition:

1. The Vast Officiating Conspiracy. NFL referee and school principal Pete Morelli takes a rock through his front window after almost handing Indy the game. Said Morelli, “I’m trying to be a good team mate here, but someone needed to pick that crybaby Manning up.”

2. The Terrible Tackle. Ben Roethlisberger gives a new definition to taking a knee at the end of the game. Said Big Ben, “I was just BEING a good teammate.”

3. Big Ben. Big Ben Franklin celebrated the big three-oh-oh this week.

4. Puhl-a-ma-lu (That’s Polamalu). The Steelers own hairy muppet, Troy Polamalu immortalized in song. Listen once, involuntarily sing for the rest of the day.

5. Dr. Cyril Wecht-er. About the only thing missing in Dr. Cyril Wecht’s 84-count indictment is cannibalism. No confirmation on the rumor that he’s being held in a giant bird cage on the top floor of Soldiers and Sailors.

6. Butt-Ugly. Bill Johnson of the Rocky Mountain News comes to Pittsburgh and has a massive case of Seasonal Affected Disorder, writes nasty column, suffers avalanche of hate e-mail, punished by having to tour the city with KDKA’s Brenda Waters and eat Roethlisberger.

7. Scoble-ized! Technoratti’s #80 blogger, Microsoft’s Rob Scoble spends his 41st birthday in the Burgh selling books. In an upset, has a surprisingly pleasant time.

8. The War That Made America. Filmed in Ligonier, the British backup QB George Washington didn’t show much of the brilliance to come after signing with the Patriots as a free agent in 1776.

9. S-Pitt-acular! Pitt is rolling, undefe….I mean once beaten, despite Carl Krauser’s confusion about the new Medicare drug plan.

10. Palff-etic. Ziggy we hardly new ye. Zigmund Palffy knows a sinking ship when he jumps off it. The streaking Penguins are waddling to oblivion with 9 consecutive losses.


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